Sofa, So Good
by Smitty
Summary: Why would anyone want Obi-Wan's grody old couch?


_Disclaimer: Obi-Wan and Anakin are not mine. They belong to George_   
_Lucas. Gekka Yun belongs to my sister, Kerrie Smith. Anyone else with a_   
_goofy name does belong to me. The Couch really does exist, and it_   
_belongs to Kerrie's action figures: Obi-Wan Jedi Duel, and Anakin_   
_Tatooine._

_Sofa, So Good_   
_ by Smitty_   


Obi-Wan Kenobi kicked the oven. Something inside crashed. He   
frowned at it in disgust. He had gotten a good price on ghanak, an   
underwater creature Qui-Gon once seasoned and baked as a delicacy, but   
the blasted oven had gone and done...something bad that ovens do when   
they're several decades old and not well made to begin with. Besides   
which, he was quite sure Qui-Gon had not used bantha milk to sauté the   
meat, but it was the only liquid they had in the house and Obi-Wan had not   
known what else to buy. He had also gotten an amazingly low price on the   
yahntahna, a purplish spice that glowed brightly against the still pinkish   
meat.   
"Fine, then," he muttered, yanking the pan out of the offending   
appliance. "We'll do this the old fashioned way." He ceremoniously   
carried the pan out of the shabby little house and placed it gently on the   
ground. He collected an armful of the wood Anakin had cut, under duress,   
of course, the day before. The boy was presently enjoying his reward: a   
ticket to the day's Podrace. Arranging the wood in a pile, he pulled out his   
lightsaber, using its blade to light the dry wood. In a matter of minutes, the   
ghanak wouldn't have a chance.   
  
  


"Hey, there."   
Gekka Yun pushed her spikes out of the way and peered up at the   
speaker. It appeared to be a small human boy with blond hair mowed   
down in a very bad haircut.   
"Hey. What are you doing here, kid?"   
"My name's Anakin. I'm sorry you didn't finish. I was cheering for   
you."   
"Yeah, well, it's nice to have fans. Get outta here, kid. Isn't your   
mom waiting for you, somewhere?"   
"My mom's a slave on Tatooine. Obi-Wan takes care of me."   
Gekka felt slightly bad. But not too bad.   
"This isn't a place for kids."   
"I used to Podrace on Tatooine. I won the Boonta's Eve race."   
"Didja, now?" Gekka wrenched a twisted scrap of metal out of her   
engine and gazed at it, wondering what it used to be.   
"Yeah, but before that, I never finished, either."   
"Ah. You know my record."   
"It's ok. I still think you're a better driver than Lem Pokway."   
"Thanks. Kid, you're in my light."   
"Sorry." He moved over. "That's a scrap of coupling from the   
cooling system."   
Gekka squinted up at him, suspiciously. "How can you tell?"   
"That pinkish stain on the edge...it's gunked-up coolant."   
"Huh." Gekka turned the piece over and gazed at the   
aforementioned stain critically. "Y'know, I think you just may be right."   
"I know I'm right. I made a Pod all by myself. Fastest one ever   
built," he added, proudly.   
"They let a kid like you race?"   
"Sure. Well, on Tatooine. When I was a slave. Mom hated it, but   
Watto made me."   
"So, your mom's not here, what's holdin' ya back, now?" Gekka sat   
back on her heels, twirling a wrench idly between her fingers.   
Anakin's face twisted into a grimace. A cute grimace, Gekka had to   
admit, but definitely an unhappy expression for a little person.   
"Obi-Wan said no. And there's no one to make him let me."   
"That bites." Gekka finally gave up on trying to examine her Pod in   
the fast-darkening arena and stood up. "So, this Obi-Wan character won't   
let you race, but he don't care if you're out in town in the dark, talking to   
strange women?"   
Anakin shrugged. "I guess you're right. I should be getting back."   
"Yeah." Suddenly, Gekka realized she was going to miss the kid's   
insistent prattle. "Hey, you got some free time later on and feel like   
souping up a Pod, come on by. I live 'bout half a klick, thataway," she   
added, pointing over her shoulder.   
"Cool...thanks! I'll see ya later!" Anakin's chubby little face broke   
into a wide grin and he took off for the landspeeder and a dinner of   
ghanak...cooked over an open fire.   
  
  


"Anakin! You're almost an hour late! Where have you been? "   
Obi-Wan was trying hard to keep his voice modulated. He looked   
dejectedly at the dinner sitting on the low table. "The ghanak's cold. It   
was going to be a good meal, too. I didn't use the oven. I thought you'd   
like it."   
"Obi-Wan....Master Obi-Wan...I'm sorry. It was just running a little   
late, and..." Anakin was pretty sure he should not bring Gekka Yun into   
this story. He was definitely sure he should not bring her invitation to help   
with her Pod into the story. "I'm sorry."   
"Anakin." Obi-Wan raised his hands and looked around for   
someplace to sit. The only place he saw was the chair that sat a mere six   
inches from the ground. He sighed and just dropped his arms. "Anakin."   
"Yes, Master Obi-Wan."   
"Just...sit down and eat. It's cold."   
"That's ok. I don't mind."   
Anakin let Obi-Wan tuck himself under the short table, then sat in   
his own chair. The table was his fault, he knew, and Obi-Wan had been a   
great sport about it, cutting down the chairs to fit, but he always wanted to   
laugh when he saw Obi-Wan trying to fit his long legs under the knee-   
bruising table. He cut into his ghanak, quietly, and raised a piece to his   
mouth.   
"Ob--Master Obi-Wan?"   
"Yes, Anakin?"   
"What is this?"   
"It's ghanak sautéed in bantha milk with yahntahna."   
"Uh-uh." Anakin shook his head. "Yahntahna's red."   
"Is it?" Obi-Wan looked at his cold meal. "It was a very good   
sale."   
  
  


"Concentrate, Anakin."   
"I am concentrating."   
"You are not. You are fidgeting."   
"The floor's cold. And hard."   
"Those things are exterior. They are superficial."   
"Superficial? My butt hurts!"   
"Anakin! You will sit there and meditate, without fidgeting, or I   
will tie you to a chair and levitate you upside down while I sing Wookiee   
opera songs until I lose my voice."   
"This is one of those things where you joke around without   
laughing, right?"   
"Try me."   
  
  


"Hi, Gekka!"   
Gekka Yun had not seriously expected to see young Anakin   
Skywalker when she answered the knock on her door.   
"Anakin. You're...here to help with the Pod?"   
"Sure!"   
"Oh, ok, well, come on in." She let him in to her somewhat messy   
home. "Scuse the mess...it's kind of...well, no, it looks like this every day,   
get used to it."   
"Ok. Our place looks worse. We ran out of paint halfway through   
the front and Obi-Wan can't get the colors to match. I think it looks kinda   
neat."   
"And he doesn't?"   
"Guess not. He didn't look real happy." Anakin screwed up his   
face into a regretful half-smile.   
"He sounds like a real tight-ass." Gekka shoved a pile of clothes   
under her sofa and picked up a jar of rendnar cream from the coffee table.   
"He's ok," Anakin defended. "Well, ok, he's kind of grouchy   
sometimes. Like the time we were meditating too long, and he couldn't get   
off the floor."   
"Ouch. You were meditating?"   
"Yeah. He's been, uh...reading these books, lately. He kinda   
stopped after that. His back hurt for a long time."   
"Is he like, a geezer?" Gekka twisted open the jar and looked   
inside. "Hey, you want a rendnar cream and jackleberry jam sandwich?"   
"Sure!" Real food! "He's not a geezer. I mean, he's a grownup,   
but not an old one. He's younger than my mom, anyway."   
"I'm a grownup," Gekka pointed out.   
"But not a real one."   
"Thank you."   
  


  
"Anakin! Where have you been?" The words sounded familiar to   
Obi-Wan. He tried to figure out why. Oh, wait. He'd been saying them   
almost every day for the last two weeks.   
"Just...hanging around."   
"Hanging around?" Obi-Wan started to press the matter, then   
decided that just this once, he'd indulge himself in the bliss of ignorance.   
"Very well. Are you ready for dinner?"   
Anakin sniffed the air. "Sure." He didn't smell anything too foul in   
the air, so maybe there was hope for dinner, after all.   
"Good. Get your cloak. We're going to town."   
"We are?"   
"No, Anakin, that was just a ploy to get you in the speeder so I can   
use the Force to make it whip around in circles and exact my revenge on   
you for the last time I let you drive. Are you hungry or are you going to   
stand around all day with that skeptical squint on your face?"   
"I'm moving," Anakin said, making a run for the speeder.   
Obi-Wan picked up his forgotten cloak on the way out.   
  


"Ohmigod, Liana, you have to see the guy who just walked in."   
"C'mon, Prill. This is Barant. You see one sex-crazed spacer,   
you've seen 'em all."   
"No, Li, ya gotta see this one. I don't think he's a spacer."   
"Ok, wha--whooooaaa." Liana draped herself on the bar in the   
direction of the young man who had followed a short blond kid through the   
door. "Come to mama."   
"Cute kid," Yolie added, leaning next to her. "Think it's his?"   
  
  


Obi-Wan had found a booth in a corner where he could watch the   
rest of the room. Anakin was squirming around, trying to get comfortable,   
a formidable task for a young boy. A beefy man in an ale-stained apron   
walked up to their table.   
"You can't bring a kid in here," he protested.   
"He's old enough, " Obi-Wan said mildly, waving his hand across   
the man's vision.   
"He's old enough," the man agreed.   
Anakin liked taverns better than more formal restaurants. He could   
run around and talk to the spacers. And Obi-Wan didn't have to worry   
about him committing a major breach of etiquette. He consoled himself in   
regard to his slightly unethical use of the Force by saying that this was   
contributing to the good of the galaxy by fine-tuning Anakin's social skills.   
As if they needed fine-tuning. That boy knew every spacer, trader, and   
vender in town.   
  
  


"I know one way to find out," Liana said, dragging herself off the   
counter and arranging her blouse to produce the maximum amount of   
cleavage. She sauntered to Obi-Wan's booth, the envious gazes of Yolie   
and Prill on her back.   
"Hi, there, handsome."   
Obi-Wan looked up from his menu in surprise. In his experience,   
barmaids tended to stand when taking his order. This particular specimen   
was curled saucily on the seat across from him, twirling her dyed-purple   
hair around one finger.   
"Hello."   
"My name's Liana...what's yours?"   
"Obi-Wan. I'm pleased to meet you, Liana."   
"Oh, I'm so glad to hear that." Her smile was brilliant. "Obi-   
Wan...that's so unusual.   
"Ah, well..."   
"I was noticing," she continued, breathily, "that you came in with a   
little boy. We were wondering if he was yours."   
"Well...yes, I suppose you could say that--"   
"Oh, and are you all alone with him?"   
"Yes, I mean, there's no one else--"   
"Oh, you poor thing!"   
At last, Obi-Wan thought. Someone who understands.   
"You have to come this week."   
"Excuse me?"   
"There's a few of us who have kids we're raising by ourselves and   
we get together once a week and just talk. You have to be there. You'll   
feel so much better knowing you aren't alone. If not for yourself, do it for   
the sake of your poor little fellow."   
"My poor little fellow?" Obi-Wan asked, blankly, looking over his   
shoulder at his 'poor little fellow,' who was demonstrating how he restarted   
the Pod when it stalled at the start of the Boonta's Eve race to a half-dozen   
amused and rather drunk spacers.   
"Here," Liana said, pushing a paper across the table. "This is my   
address. Seven, tomorrow. Please be there. We're all counting on you."   
In a whirl of skirt, skin, and beer-scented hair, she was gone.   
"You're counting on me? For what?" Obi-Wan wondered. "Comic   
relief?"   
  
  


Obi-Wan managed to order dinner, curtail Anakin's attempt to   
convince the bartender that he really was old enough to order an ale, and   
avoid the purple-haired barmaid the rest of the night. He was exhausted by   
the time they crawled into the speeder.   
"You look tired, Obi-Wan," Anakin said. "Want me to drive? I'll   
go slow?"   
"Absolutely not," Obi-Wan returned, evenly. "We just ate."   
Anakin watched his mentor start the motor and roll his shoulders.   
He looked tired, and older than his 25 years. He made himself a pact to try   
harder in training, and be better at meditating, and not be so messy...   
Obi-Wan looked over at his dozing Padawan and smiled. It had   
been a long day for them both.   
  
  


"This is gonna be the biggest, baddest lightsaber, ever!" Anakin   
announced, exuberantly. "It's gonna cut things up and slice up battle   
droids, and--"   
"And it won't work at all if you leave that power source on the   
table," Obi-Wan pointed out, slouched in the low wooden chair, watching   
his Padawan attempt to reconstruct his lightsaber.   
"I'm not gonna use that one," Anakin announced. "I found a better   
one."   
"Anakin, I don't want you to use a 'better one.' This is a practice   
lightsaber. We're going to fight with it. I'd much prefer you not decapitate   
me during our first blindfight."   
"I'm not gonna depacitate you," Anakin stumbled. "I'm gonna use   
the Force. And you can use the Force."   
"First of all, Anakin, the word is decapitate. It means to cut off   
someone's head. And secondly, the Force is all-powerful, but it only helps   
you as much as you can help yourself. And, as loathe I am to admit it, I am   
far from perfect. There could exist a possibility that I may not be able to   
notice my mortal danger, stop your lightsaber in mid-swing, and turn it off.   
Use the other power source."   
"Aw..." Anakin sighed and twisted open the top of the handle. He   
pulled the cover off, and dumped the power source on the table. "You   
wouldn't miss it..."   
Obi-Wan hid a smile as he struggled out of the chair. "Keep   
working. I need to wash up. I'm going out tonight."   
"Really?" Anakin looked up from his work. "Whatcha doing?"   
"I'm going to a party with dozens of beautiful women who will   
hang onto every word I say, feed me gourmet food and entice me with   
exotic beverages."   
"Aw..." Anakin complained as Obi-Wan walked away. "I hate it   
when he does that."   
  
  


Teth NObcareW'snk and KOnaed Uwekl were cruising. They were   
cool. They had a souped-up T-13, a packful of spice, low-slung breeches,   
it was nighttime, and they were wearing mirrored speeder goggles.   
"Hit it."   
They were cruising the main drag of Barant. Teth had the radio   
turned up and KOnaed was leaning out the side, trying to pick up women.   
"Hey, Teth, the patsies!" KOnaed gestured frantically in the   
direction of the small blue light that signified a STAP-mounted patrol.   
"I'm speedin'." Teth pulled a hard left, shooting down an alleyway   
and gunning the motor.   
"We gotta lose the stuff!"   
"I'm lookin', I'm lookin'."   
  
  


"Where're you going?"   
"I told you already," Obi-Wan said, smiling at Anakin as he   
smoothed his hair back. "I'm going to a party."   
"I thought you were lying again."   
"A Jedi does not lie, Ani. On occasion, I simply describe things   
from..." He shot Anakin a quick glance. "...a certain point of view."   
"Oh, is that what that is." Anakin threw himself down on his   
stomach on Obi-Wan's bed. "So, who invited you to a party?"   
Obi-Wan wondered if the boy was trying to be insulting or was   
truly curious as to who would find his crusty old master interesting enough   
to invite to a social function. He decided it was the latter. "It's a group for   
parents who are raising their children on their own."   
"Mom never went to those parties."   
"Was your mother trying to meet women?"   
"Ew, no. Are you?" Anakin suddenly looked very serious.   
"No, Anakin. Not really. I was told that I should come for your   
sake, if for no other reason. Although I don't understand how leaving you   
alone for the evening could possibly be beneficial."   
  


"Now, run along, and do...whatever it is that you do," Obi-Wan   
ordered Anakin, after feeding him a slightly undercooked dinner.   
"No patience exercises?"   
"Not tonight. No meditating, either. Go...climb your tree or   
something. I don't care. Just whatever you do...don't let me catch you   
smoking spices or anything."   
"Deal."   
"All right."   
"You forgot your cloak."   
"Right."   
"I'm taking off."   
"I'm getting my cloak."   
Anakin waited for Obi-Wan to walk back inside the house, then   
jumped into the speeder, hunkering down in the back, and pulling the   
blanket Obi-Wan stored there over his head.   
  


"My husband died last year and left me alone with three--"   
"My lying, cheating, good-for-nothing-but-sex..."   
"You had a husband, at least. Try and get a spacer to stick   
around..."   
Obi-Wan listened to the conversation of the eight women in the   
room with half his attention. With the other half, he was analyzing the mug   
of steaming beverage Liana had pressed into his hands when he had walked   
in the door. It was dark and fragrant, with a strong taste and some   
ingredient that made him hyper-aware and increased his atunement to his   
surroundings. Qui-Gon would have cherished this stuff, he thought   
happily, slurping down some more.   
"Obi-Wan?"   
"Uh..." Obi-Wan looked up to see the women looking at him,   
expectantly. "I'm sorry...I was so enjoying this, um, Corellian coffee, did   
you call it?"   
Liana blushed and tittered as one of the other women filled him in.   
"What's your story, sugar? Why are you all alone?"   
"Well, I, um..." Obi-Wan fiddled with his cup as he felt the gaze of   
eight angry women boring down on him. "It was very painful," he gasped.   
"I'd rather not talk about it." He brought his hand to his forehead.   
"I'm sure it's very painful," one of the other women spoke up.   
"I'm sure he'd rather not talk about it," Liana cut in.   
Obi-Wan wondered if he could be stripped of his Knighthood for   
misuse of Jedi mind tricks. He slouched in his seat and listened to the other   
women, guiltily.   
"The worst part is feeling all alone," one of them said.   
"Absolutely," he replied without thinking. "When you've spent so   
much of your life with one person, and then suddenly, they're gone, and   
there's this other person, and you just don't know them as well or   
understand them..." Obi-Wan had a feeling he was babbling, but he didn't   
seem to be able to stop. All the lonliness and insecurity he had experienced   
since Qui-Gon had died welled up in him, flowing out through his   
traitorous mouth. "I knew it would happen someday," he continued,   
thinking of how eagerly he had awaited his trials, "probably someday soon,   
but I never expected it when it happened, it just blindsided me."   
"I know exactly how you feel, honey," one of the women nodded.   
Obi-Wan wanted to thank her for her empathy but found he could   
not speak past the rush of emotions. "I can barely take care of myself; I'm   
pathetic," he admitted, "and I can't be doing Anakin any good at all. We   
just didn't grow up in the same way. He does things I can't hope to   
understand. It's like we're speaking different languages."   
"I try to think of it as talking with a Wookiee," one of the women   
offered. "You can't speak Wookiee, he can't speak Basic, but if you just   
keep listening, you start to catch on eventually."   
"It's horrible!" Obi-Wan finally exclaimed, ashamed of the words   
torn from his throat. "We're near strangers!" To his utmost   
embarrassment, he felt tears rush from his eyes. "The one thing linking us   
together is gone and it isn't ever coming back. It's such a horrible, empty   
feeling."   
"There, there, now, honey," one of the women said, patting his   
shoulder. "Go on and cry it all out." The other women came up to pat and   
console him.   
"Come on, now," another offered. "Let's get some good food in   
your poor stomach. Imagine! Having to learn to cook after all these years!   
Do you like boiled yert eggs?"   
Obi-Wan's head popped up, immediately. "Do they have pahku on   
them?"   
  


"I wanna do something nice for him," Anakin told Gekka.   
"Give him a keg and a naked woman. I hear that's a big seller on   
guys."   
Anakin wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, but he's Obi-Wan."   
"Wow. This guy's starting to scare me."   
"I want to make him a better chair."   
"You made him a crappy chair?"   
"Well, no, I made him a crappy table and he cut off the legs on the   
chairs so they'd fit underneath."   
"You know, every time I start to think this guy's too crusty to   
move, you say something like that, and he starts to sound cool."   
"Yeah, but he's real tall, and it's too low...and he looks all   
scrunched up."   
"Get him a couch. Men like to sit on a couch and drink ale."   
"He doesn't drink ale. He won't let me drink ale, either."   
"Does he hate couches, too?"   
"I don't know. We don't have one."   
"Make him a couch."   
"Make him one?"   
"Sure. Just make a wooden frame and pile on some cushions."   
"We don't have cushions."   
"We'll find some."   
  


Obi-Wan shoveled a vegetable full of dip into his mouth.   
"Can I have this recipe?"   
"Of course! It's so easy! You just cream together milk and eggs..."   
Cream together? Obi-Wan thought, swallowing uneasily. This was   
starting to sound complex.   
"...and never use that cheap bantha milk. It's nasty stuff...and   
terrible for you. Would you like to take rest home?"   
"May I?"   
"Of course! Ani will love it!"   
  


"I gotta get back. I don't know when Obi-Wan's getting out of that   
party," Anakin told Gekka.   
"Ok. We'll go cruising for cushions tomorrow. Want some   
sandwiches to take with you?"   
"Sure. Thanks."   
"Yeah. I have some cookies, too."   
"You have cookies! Wizard!"   
"Yeah, uh..." Gekka's cheeks turned a slightly darker shade of   
purple. "Yeah, the chick next door made them. Gave me a bunch."   
"But Gekka, a bunch of guys live next door to you."   
"On the other side."   
  


"Little Wednal is so bad, lately. He never listens, he's out 'til all   
hours..."   
"Soala's been hanging out at the cantina...I hate that place...I'm sure   
she's--"   
"Such horrible things happen there..."   
"I'm sure Teth is into spices. He's just never home."   
"It's so hard raising a boy without a man around..."   
"Anakin's so disrespectful," Obi-Wan declared to the woman next   
to him. "He keeps insisting he wants to drive the speeder and the last time   
he did so, he decided to run the thing around in circles. I nearly lost my   
dinner." From a certain point of view, he mentally added. He had nearly   
lost his dinner. Then he did lose his dinner.   
"That's it?"   
"Well...he makes fun of my cooking?"   
"That's it?"   
"Isn't that enough?" Obi-Wan was well and truly confused. As a   
nine-year-old, he had been respectful of all the Masters, the Knights who   
came to visit, and of course, the older Padawans, and even his own peers.   
Respect was an essential part of the Jedi Code. One must respect the   
power of the Force, the power others had over it, and the power oneself   
had over it. To lose respect for these things would pave the way to the   
Dark Side and open one up to other dangers. He was reciting this to   
himself, when the woman beside him spoke again.   
"But honey, he's just a kid."   
He's just a kid.   
The words echoed in Obi-Wan's head, long after he had walked   
away.   
  


Obi-Wan pulled the speeder up to the side of the little house.   
"You can come out, now, Ani," he announced. He was met with   
silence. "Did you have a good time in town? I know you're back there.   
You can't trick a Jedi...especially your own Master. You're a vergence in   
the Force. That's somewhat impossible to miss." Silence. "Come on. I   
managed to bring home some decent food. Cantra sent us some dip and   
vegetables...you don't have to eat those. Peakew gave us some sort of   
baked casserole, Liana sent these little pieces of meat wrapped up in bread,   
Ulkje gave us some sandwiches, KEnka gave us some boiled yert eggs, and   
Trein sent back something that looks positively inedible to me, but it's full   
of sugar, so I'm sure you'll love it." Silence. "Anakin? I can smell the   
rendnar cream." Obi-Wan got out of the speeder and walked around to the   
back. He threw the blanket aside to find a sleeping Anakin Skywalker still   
clutching his packet of rendnar cream sandwiches and cookies. "Well. A   
fine state of affairs this is." Obi-Wan scooped him up gently and carried   
him into the house, careful not to squish the sandwiches and cookies, and   
laid him on his bed. "Sleep well, my Padawan," he said softly, as he turned   
off the light.   
  


"We're in the junkyard," Anakin announced to Gekka. They were   
riding in her landspeeder through piles of garbage.   
"Where do you think I get pieces for my Pod?"   
"Right." Anakin slouched down further in his seat and looked out   
the side.   
Gekka reached for the controls on her dashboard and increased the   
volume of her music. "Mind?" she asked.   
"No." Anakin listened to the song for a minute. "How come all   
your songs are about hating men?"   
"They aren't about hating men," Gekka explained, matter-of-factly.   
"They are about empowering women."   
"Then why do they say that men are stupid?"   
"Because it makes us feel better."   
"Oh." Anakin considered this. "So they're about hating men."   
"From a certain point of view." Gekka turned a corner, gazing   
intently out the side, on the lookout for a new coolant tank. Or rather, an   
old, yet functional coolant tank.   
"Stop!!!"   
"What!" Gekka slammed her foot on the brake, pitching both her   
and Anakin forward.   
"Look!"   
Gekka looked. "What?"   
"There."   
Gekka looked there. "What?"   
"The cushions. They're perfect!" Anakin jumped out of the   
speeder, and ran to the small pile of discarded cushions."   
"They're kind of grody," Gekka observed.   
"No, they're not! They're awesome!"   
  


Obi-Wan was desperately trying to figure out how to cream   
together eggs and milk. Try as he might, he could not manage to create   
anything that resembled cream. Maybe it referred to the color. He   
wondered what other uses he could employ for the dip.   
  


"What'd you do with the spice?" Teth asked, sitting on the floor of   
the KOnaed's room. An action holo was playing in the background, but   
neither of them were paying attention.   
"When we jumped out in the junkyard, I stuffed it in some old   
pillows sitting there."   
"Man, what if someone takes them? We gotta go get the stuff."   
"No way," KOnaed replied, shaking his head. "No one's gonna   
want those things. They're poodoo. Those are the grodiest pillows I've   
ever seen."   
  


"I love these things!" Anakin said, happily bouncing up and down   
on them.   
"I dunno," Gekka said, twisting her face into a half-grimace. "I still   
think they're grody."   
"Please, Gekka? I want them."   
Gekka sighed. "All right. Load 'em up."   
  


"They were right here!"   
"They ain't here now," Teth observed.   
"Who woulda taken them?"   
"I hear someone! Drop!"   
Teth and KOnaed hunkered down behind a pile of spare wheels and   
repulser coils. They watched a small human boy with blond hair and a   
curvy Beldarian chick cruise by in a speeder.   
"Check out the curves on the Beldarian!" Teth said, nudging   
KOnaed, none-too-subtly in the ribs.   
"She's packin' our pillows!"   
"You're right. They are pretty grody."   
"Shut up," KOnaed hissed. "Look, you jump in front of the speeder   
to stop them, and I'll jump on the back and grab the pillows."   
"Got it."   
They crept off in different directions.   
  


"Aaaah!" Gekka slammed on the brake as something jumped out in   
front of her speeder.   
"Gekka!" Anakin had felt KOnaed jump on the back.   
"Hey! Those are OUR cushions!" Gekka said, whipping out a   
blaster and pointing it at KOnaed.   
"Ok, ok, I'm gone," he said, sliding away. Teth was already gone.   
Gekka slid back in her seat, holstering the blaster. "I can't believe   
anyone would want to steal cushions that grody," she mumbled, taking off   
again.   
  


Behind the junk pile, Teth looked at KOnaed.   
"Man, that was the worst plan ever."   
  


"These are great," Anakin said, unloading the cushions from   
Gekka's speeder. "Thanks for driving over here."   
"Are you sure he won't see them? Is this still a surprise?"   
"He's not here right now. And I'll take them to the backyard. Obi-   
Wan never goes to the backyard."   
Gekka watched Anakin take a cushion under either arm and attempt   
to drag them to the backyard. They were nearly the same size as Anakin.   
She sighed and hefted the other cushions.   
"You must like this guy an awful lot," she mentioned. "Or else   
you're carrying around some major guilt.   
"Guilt!" Anakin replied, stumbling over a cushion and landing on   
top of one and under the other.   
"Sure." Gekka picked up one of Anakin's cushions and added it to   
her pile. "Lead the way."   
Anakin took her behind the house to a fort made up of spare parts,   
leftover wood and a few blankets. "We'll hide them in here," he directed.   
Gekka dropped her pile inside the entrance. "You're going to need   
a frame," she said.   
"Yeah, I know," Anakin replied. "I started it. I figured it really   
didn't need legs." He showed her the beginnings of his construct.   
"Looks, uh..." Gekka scratched her head. "When you gonna finish   
it?"   
"Well...I want to try to finish it by the end of the week."   
"Why the end of the week?"   
"'Cause there's a race and I want to go."   
"Good thinking. I gotta get out of here. Gonna stop by and help   
rebuild my coolant system?"   
"Sure. See ya later."   
"Bye." Gekka took off, leaving Anakin to pick up his tools and get   
back to work.   
  


"So, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, moving his rennnolli around his plate   
in decorative designs, "what did you do today?"   
"Do today?"   
"Do today. When you were in the backyard forever?"   
"Ohhhh...today..."   
"There is no other."   
"Um, I just kind of built some stuff."   
"Really? Hiding away that secret Podracer?"   
"Uh, not yet. Not enough parts. I mean--"   
"You mean, Podracer? What would I do with a Podracer?" Obi-   
Wan shoved his plate away and leaned back. "I like your answer much   
better. More honest. Plus, it tells me that I needn't chain you to the house   
just yet, though I should take measures to restrict your access to   
mechanical parts. Perhaps a leash...We can stick a post in the yard and--"   
"Obi-Wan!" Anakin dissolved into laughter. "Stop it!"   
"Stop what?"   
"You know!"   
"I do?"   
"Yes!"   
"Oh...well, in that case...I guess you're saying you don't want me to   
get out the candies Trein made from the party last night? Pity...guess I'll   
have to eat them all myself."   
"Obi-Wan!"   
"Goodness, Anakin," Obi-Wan replied, standing to retrieve the   
sweets. "At the rate you're going, I'm going to have to trade in my name   
for a less worn model." He set the box on the table and allowed Anakin   
one clump of sugary goo. He watched the boy make a gooey mess of   
himself, then run off to get the training probe they were to use that night.   
And then, he made his own gooey mess.   
  


"We gotta find the spices!" KOnaed hissed to Teth.   
"I know. Did you see where that speeder went?"   
"No...I was standing in the same place as you all afternoon. Think,   
laser-brain."   
"Well, we could find the girl and follow her home."   
"Right, and end up on the other end of that blaster again. No   
thanks."   
"Well, what about the kid? He's short, there aren't like, a lot of   
them running around."   
"Yeah...we'll wait 'til the Podrace. Everyone's at the Podrace.   
We'll find him and follow him home."   
"Yeah!"   
"Yeah!"   
  


"Anakin...I...I don't know what to say." Obi-Wan Kenobi stared at   
the structure occupying the majority of his living room wall and scratched   
his head.   
"It's a couch."   
"I see."   
"I made it for you."   
"That's very thoughtful."   
"I thought you'd like a better place to sit...since you hurt your back   
that time...and 'cause I keep making your life hard..."   
Obi-Wan dropped his hand from his neck and turned to look   
sharply at his Padawan. "Is that why you made this? You feel bad?"   
"Well...I cut the table legs too short...and you always have to squish   
up to sit down. I just wanted to do something nice for you." Anakin   
looked deflated.   
Obi-Wan stared at his dejected Padawan and felt incredibly old and   
crusty. The phrase echoed through his head...He's just a kid...   
"I love it."   
"You do?" Anakin's head shot up, his eyes glowing.   
"Of course. I don't know a single other Jedi who has received a   
couch, let alone a homemade one, from his own Padawan. I consider   
myself very special to get something like this. I'm going to try it out."   
Obi-Wan strode purposefully to the slightly lopsided mass of lumber   
masquerading as furniture, and with only a slight hesitation at the sight of   
the cushions, sat squarely in the middle.   
Anakin looked at him, hopefully.   
Obi-Wan shifted his weight back and forth, bounced a minute, and   
then slouched. After a moment, he swung his body around, bringing his   
boots to rest squarely on the arm, and laying his head on a cushion.   
"Anakin," he declared, sinking bonelessly into the fabric. "I am in heaven.   
I'm going to stay here for the rest of my life. Call the Council and tell them   
I'm resigning to lay on this couch for the rest of my days." He stretched his   
arms over his head and yawned. "Well. I'm at least going to take a nap."   
"Is it really that comfortable?"   
"It really is."   
"Let me try."   
Obi-Wan gasped as his air was forcibly pushed from his body by   
Anakin landing on his stomach.   
"Ani!"   
"Wow! I knew these cushions were awesome."   
Obi-Wan moved over and let Anakin snuggle on the couch next to   
him. Minutes later, both Master and Padawan were sound asleep.   
  


Obi-Wan opened his eyes to the fading sunlight.   
"Anakin," he said, nudging the boy. "Anakin, wake up, the sun's   
setting."   
"Huh?" Anakin opened sleepy eyes, detaching his face from Obi-   
Wan's shoulder. His cheek was creased from being smashed against his   
master's robes.   
"Look. The sun's setting." Obi-Wan stood and walked to the door.   
"Coming?"   
"Yeah." Anakin scrambled off the couch and followed Obi-Wan   
outside. Together, they watched Malastare's sun dive beneath the horizon   
in a flaming display of pinks, purples and oranges. "Wow," Anakin said,   
when the colors faded into a misty grey.   
"Makes one feel quite insignificant in the grander scheme of things,   
doesn't it?" Obi-Wan commented.   
"Yeah."   
"Thank you, Anakin."   
"For what?"   
"For my couch, among other things. Just for that, I think we'll have   
dinner in town."   
"Y'know, there's a Podrace this weekend..."   
"I knew this couldn't be from the goodness of your heart."   
"I have goodness...I'm all about goodness...c'mon, Obi-Wan..."   
  


"Let's see if we can get in the Ale Barrel."   
"Naw, Mom's friend Liana works there. She'll sell us out for sure."   
"Aw..."   
Teth and KOnaed were still sitting on the curb across from the Ale   
Barrel when a familiar boy with blond hair exited the establishment with a   
man older than either of the teenagers.   
"Did you just--"   
"Aw, yeah."   
  


"All right, Anakin! You may go to the Podrace this weekend!"   
"Yippee! Thanks, Obi-Wan! You're the best!"   
"That's Master Obi-Wan to you," Obi-Wan informed the back of his   
retreating Padawan. He sighed and climbed from the speeder, hefting the   
package of Corellian coffee he had purchased. He had some brewing to   
do.   
  


Now armed with the knowledge of Anakin's home, Teth and   
KOnaed were making plans to reclaim that which they theirs.   
"I think we should just go in and take 'em!"   
"Yeah, that worked great last time. Let's go do it again.   
Laserbrain."   
"Hey, you got a better idea?"   
"Yeah, I think we should wait 'til they leave, then we can go in and   
take 'em."   
"Hey, yeah. You think we should sit out here all night?"   
"No way. Mom would kill me. He's a kid, all kids like Podraces,   
right?"   
"Yeah..."   
"So we'll come here during the Podrace and get it then."   
"But we'll miss the race."   
"Aw..."   
"Yeah..."   
"Maybe if we left early."   
"Yeah! That's it!"   
  


The day of the Podrace dawned sunny and hot. Obi-Wan's face left   
his pillow with the greatest of reluctance. A cup of Corellian coffee   
improved the situation greatly. Anakin was already awake, bouncing   
around the small house in an excitement reminiscent of a rioting   
population, Obi-Wan determined. He had a second cup of coffee.   
Anakin's excited state lasted straight through the Podrace, during   
which he cheered for a non-finishing contestant known as Gekka Yun.   
Obi-Wan was relieved to note that despite her failure to finish, she did   
manage to survive the ordeal. He wasn't sure how Anakin would have felt   
about cheering for someone who wound up in little bits. Of course, he   
considered later, he had once raced with competitors who had been buried   
in several small coffins, and the experience hadn't seemed to disturb him in   
the least. Obi-Wan scanned the crowd and planned new training sessions   
for his Padawan.   
  


"Aw, do we have to leave?"   
"We gotta get to those people's house before them!"   
"But we won't know who won!"   
"Aw, c'mon. Lem Pokway's the only one with a whole Pod right   
now, anyway."   
"Ah, ok."   
Teth and KOnaed took off for the small house that Obi-Wan and   
Anakin shared. They knew the way by now, and their souped-up speeder   
made the trip shorter than even Anakin had achieved.   
"All right, we gotta find the cushions," KOnaed said, stepping   
inside. "You look in the back, I'll look in the kitchen."   
"Ok."   
They split up, ignoring the living room in which they were standing.   
KOnaed walked into the kitchen and immediately looked in the   
coldbox. There were some sandwiches, but pretty much everything else   
looked nasty. A pot of coffee was perched on the edge of the sink. A   
table sat close to the floor.   
"Hey, Teth!" he shouted, walking out of the kitchen. "They got this   
short table. You gotta see it."   
"You gotta see the rooms," Teth returned, walking into the living   
room. "More junk in them than my little brother's room. Find the   
cushions?"   
"Naw...did you?"   
"Would I ask you if I had found them?"   
"I dunno. Maybe you were testing me."   
"Well, I wasn't."   
The two boys stood in silence for a good while, looking around.   
"KOnaed! We're stupid. Look!"   
KOnaed looked in the direction Teth was pointing.   
"Hey, grody couch."   
"No, you nerf-herder. Those are our cushions!"   
"No way. Who would want to use those cushions on a couch?"   
"Who cares? They're here!" Teth crossed the room and tugged a   
cushion from the couch. "C'mon, we gotta find the stuff." He unzipped   
one of the cushions.   
"Gimme one." KOnaed followed his friend to the couch and   
grabbed another pillow.   
"Taking a nap?"   
"Aieee!" Teth and KOnaed jumped high in the air, dropping the   
pillows and spinning around. A hooded man stood in the doorway, arms   
crossed. The sun shining behind him blinded them to his features, depicting   
him as a fearsome, dark being. The two boys ran for the windows, diving   
through them, and running to their speeder.   
Obi-Wan Kenobi pushed his hood back and turned to watch the   
terrified delinquents try to gun their engine.   
"Did ya hear them scream like girls? Did ya, Obi-Wan?"   
"I certainly did, Anakin," Obi-Wan replied, gazing after them   
thoughtfully. He turned and strode purposefully to the couch, pulling off   
the cushions.   
"What are you doing?" Anakin hurried to help his master.   
"We're going to see what those boys were after," he answered,   
unfastening the covering of the nearest cushion and pulling out a handful of   
stuffing.   
Anakin dismembered another cushion in a similar fashion, careful to   
keep the piles separate. The casing empty, he began to sift through the   
contents, pulling apart the thick fluff.   
"Find anything?" Obi-Wan asked, beginning to stuff his pile back   
into the shell.   
"No, not yet--wait a minute!" Anakin's fingers had glanced on   
something smooth and cool. He quickly uncovered a small plastic bag with   
a reddish-brown powder. "What's this?"   
"It's spice." Obi-Wan took the packet from the boy, examining the   
contents more closely.   
"Isn't that illegal?" Anakin asked, eyes wide, awed to be in the   
presence of an controlled substance.   
"Outlawed on hundreds of planets," Obi-Wan replied.   
"Yet you know what it is," Anakin noted under his breath.   
Obi-Wan ignored him, ripping open another cushion and sifting   
through the contents. He pulled out a handful of plastic packets.   
"I believe this was what our young friends were looking for," he   
commented, softly.   
"Obi-Wan, you're not going to do that you-shouldn't-sniff-spice   
speech on me, are ya? 'Cause Mom already covered that one years ago."   
"No, Anakin. After what you and I are going to do to these young   
men, I don't think you'll ever have an inclination to sniff spice."   
  


"KOnaed! Come look at this!"   
"Naw, man, I'm looking at Cabrona Halcron's new album...she's just   
wearin'--"   
"KOnaed! Now!"   
"Aw..." Reluctantly, KOnaed replaced the Cabrona Halcron music   
and went over to the bulletin board that had his friend so upset. "What is   
it?"   
"Lookathis."   
KOnaed looked.   
"Free yerknah babies? What's a yerknah?"   
"No, the one next to it."   
KOnaed stared at the neatly printed notice.   
"For those who have misplaced 20 grams of a certain substance in   
cushions, it will be available for pickup at the Suumbata Swamps." The   
notice listed a date and time.   
"Think they're patsies?"   
"Naw. Wonder what they want?"   
"Maybe just to get rid of the stuff."   
"Maybe."   
  


"Where is this place?" Anakin asked, looking around and wrinkling   
his nose. "It stinks."   
"It's a swamp, Ani. It's supposed to stink."   
"This bad?"   
"Think of it as a training distraction."   
"Riiight."   
"Come along, Padawan."   
Anakin dutifully followed Obi-Wan up a log which was spanning   
the widest part of the log.   
"What are we doing?"   
"We're lying in wait."   
"For the Spice Guys?"   
"For the Spice Guys."   
Anakin followed Obi-Wan into an overhang of tree branches. The   
drooping limbs made a small alcove on the log. Obi-Wan squatted down   
and swung his legs to straddle the log. Anakin followed suit, nearly sliding   
off.   
"Squeeze with your legs," Obi-Wan instructed. "What a wonderful   
place to train. So many opportunities and distractions. We'll have to come   
back here, sometime."   
Anakin suppressed a groan.   
  


"Are you ready?"   
"I can't see anything."   
"Of course you can't. You've got it on backwards."   
"Oh." KOnaed turned the balaclava around, letting his eyes emerge   
from the three holes cut from the mask.   
"Ok. Body armor, masks, knives..."   
"Uh."   
"What now?"   
"I couldn't find any really good knives, so I borrowed my mom's   
bantha knife."   
"Good enough. Let's go, before they change their minds."   
  


"Are you ready, young Padawan?" Obi-Wan asked. "I hear them   
coming."   
"They aren't exactly being quiet," Anakin agreed, as one of the boys   
fell into the water and shouted an angry curse.   
"Not in the least," Obi-Wan agreed. He listened to the boys crash   
through the swamp for a bit longer. "Do you know your job?"   
"Sure do."   
"Good."   
The boys were nearing the log on which there were perched.   
Obi-Wan cleared his throat and called out to the boys in a loud,   
clear voice, letting the Force suggest fear to the boys.   
"Come up the log," he called.   
Teth and KOnaed looked at each other and shrugged, edging   
carefully up the log.   
Anakin used the Force to make bubbles of mud fly through the air   
and land on the boys' gear.   
Teth jumped. "What was that?"   
"What was what?"   
"Something just hit me."   
"There's nothing arou--hey!" KOnaed shouted, as he was also hit   
with a glop of mud. "What'd you do that for?"   
"I didn't do it," Teth replied. He looked around for the culprit, and   
then both boys froze in horror as the mud began to bubble and rise, and   
soon a shape began to protrude from the surface. "KOnaed...are you...is   
that..."   
"Lookit that thing."   
As they watched, the mud rose and separated itself from the rest of   
the swamp. It was nothing more than a glob, vaguely shaped with a head   
and mouth.   
"Bad spice trip?" It asked in a muted roar, sending both boys   
dashing for the end of the log, quaking in their surplus-store spacer boots.   
Another mud creature formed itself at the end of the log, blocking   
their escape. This one was round and bounced in the air. "Going   
somewhere?" it wheezed.   
The boys, too scared to speak, made a dash for the other end of the   
log. Before the reached the alcove of branches, they were both pushed   
backwards and found themselves hovering in the air between the two   
figures. The smaller of the two was starting to look a little drippy,   
terrifying the boys even more. Just as they began to truly panic, the   
phantom grip released, dropping them both in the stench of the swamp.   
Screaming, they splashed frantically toward land. As they ran away, one   
could be heard yelling, "I'm getting off this stuff! OFF!!!"   
  


"KEnka's going to be quite happy," Obi-Wan mentioned, very   
satisfied with himself. "She was very upset with Teth."   
Anakin looked at him, blankly.   
"My group," Obi-Wan explained. "We need to get back if I'm   
going to make tonight's meeting without smelling like, well, like I spent the   
afternoon in a swamp. Get your stuff."   
Anakin climbed to his feet, eyeing his Master curiously.   
"Were you making a Jabba swamp monster?" he asked.   
"Jabba? Well..." Obi-Wan thought for a minute. "No...I was   
modeling it after another Hutt I met when I was very young. But yes, it   
looked quite a bit like Jabba, didn't it?"   
Anakin nodded.   
"Am I mistaken, or was your creature a re-creation of Watto?"   
"How'd you know?"   
"Qui-Gon told me about him."   
"Oh."   
"Anakin, can you do something for me?"   
"Sure...uh, yes, Master."   
  
  
  
Collapsed on their souped-up T-13, KOnaed and Teth looked at   
each other.   
"No way am I ever messing with spice again," Teth declared.   
"What was that man? A bad trip? Withdrawal?"   
"Hell on Malastare, man. Hell on Malastare."   
  


"Repeat after me. I..."   
"I...Anakin Skywalker," Anakin added when Obi-Wan nodded.   
"Do solemnly swear..."   
"Do solemnly swear..."   
"To NEVER, EVER--"   
"To never-ever..."   
"Bring home spice-infested couch cushions..."   
"Bring home spice-infested--but I didn't know--"   
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at him.   
"Bring home spice-infested couch cushions," Anakin repeated.   
"As long as I allow you to live."   
"As long as you allow me to live...Obi-Wan?"   
"Yes, my Padawan?"   
"Will that be a long time?"   
"Not likely."   


The End   
  
  


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